I'm in that in-between state, the one where the things I did to try to shape myself in the past are in the past and the things that will shape me in the future are, well, largely in the future.
This past week was a little slow. Business buying and selling guitars was spent waiting for buyers through the first part of last week. I spent some time being quiet and reading. The next five months or so will be a time of preparation. I started a book by worship pastor Brian Doerksen. One bit that I read today caught my attention because I feel that it is my story and God's challenge for me, right where I am at:
God is looking for purity. God is looking for our hearts. He will use our gifting and talents in the kingdom, but only if they are first tempered through the refining fire of God's holiness, only if we can lay down our gifts at His feet. He tells us when we are to pick them up again, if ever... Worship begins with what we are willing to surrender to God.
One reason I feel like this is where I am at is because I gave up most of the work I had playing guitar this past winter. God was clearly calling me out of some gigs on conviction reasons and then shutting doors on others that were not so clear. Sometimes I sit and feel like I am doing nothing, almost a guilty sense that I am just being lazy to not take on more of the gigs that come my way. But deeper than that, I know these gigs are not where God has called me.
The things I had previously used to gain approval in my own eyes or in other people's eyes are now things I have allowed to rest dormant for a season. I am looking forward to picking up my guitar more often and using the instrument specifically for God's purposes this coming spring when I begin working with the worship team in Ukraine. That's where I am at. That's where I am going. I thank God for the changes past, the changing present, and the changes to come.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Big Update
It's time to make a rather large update on my journey with Ukraine. I have taken a few days since I returned home to pray and ask God to settle a decision in my heart. At this point it looks like I will be moving for a year-long internship with New Life Church. I am shooting for May as a departure date. A lot of things will be in flux between now and then, but it is good to have a goal to work toward. If I am able to save or raise money quicker, I may start sooner. Good news: Looks like I can live on $1000/month over there. Bad news: it's a heck of a lot harder to make $1000 over there than here.
I just started reading the updated edition of Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. I read the second installment this morning. I think this quotation summarizes where I am at:
One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely.
The head youth minister at New Life Church told me yesterday, "I can tell you one thing for sure - we will use you a lot (I know, using people doesn't sound good, but that's what we do here :) - we are placing right people at the right place to bring glory to God!" I am looking forward to working under this guy. I have heard nothing but good things from many people and the opportunity to be under his direct leadership will be very helpful.
In light of what I have said so far, I realize I need to be flexible in seeing where God has for me to serve and grow (and to be honest, I see this internship as much as an opportunity to grow as an opportunity to serve). But to give you all some idea of areas I will likely be working, here are some of the needs I was presented with during my time at New Life Church: playing guitar on the worship teams, helping with sound equipment installation and mixing for teen and young adult worship services, starting an English language small group for the church, and working in various ways with the young adult ministry.
Thank you for your continued prayers!
I just started reading the updated edition of Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. I read the second installment this morning. I think this quotation summarizes where I am at:
One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What do you expect to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to "go out" in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely.
The head youth minister at New Life Church told me yesterday, "I can tell you one thing for sure - we will use you a lot (I know, using people doesn't sound good, but that's what we do here :) - we are placing right people at the right place to bring glory to God!" I am looking forward to working under this guy. I have heard nothing but good things from many people and the opportunity to be under his direct leadership will be very helpful.
In light of what I have said so far, I realize I need to be flexible in seeing where God has for me to serve and grow (and to be honest, I see this internship as much as an opportunity to grow as an opportunity to serve). But to give you all some idea of areas I will likely be working, here are some of the needs I was presented with during my time at New Life Church: playing guitar on the worship teams, helping with sound equipment installation and mixing for teen and young adult worship services, starting an English language small group for the church, and working in various ways with the young adult ministry.
Thank you for your continued prayers!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Time for an Update
As of today, I am half way through my stay in Ukraine. Things have been crazy, overwhelming, exciting, fun, and depressing. It all depends on the day or even the hour. It's humbling to be this out of control and this needy. I can't take the subway or the buses by myself so I am dependent on friends to get me where I need to go. Thankfully, some of the friends I made over the summer have been true to their promises to help me while I am here.
I am staying right now with the American intern who works for New Life Church. He is actually a pastor rather than an intern at this point. After nearly five years in Ukraine, he has a good grasp of the language and culture and even after only one night spent with him so far, he has given me valuable insight into living in Ukraine. He is a servant at heart. I will learn from him in a lot of areas over the next four days.
Today was my first time playing guitar for one of New Life's services. This time was the "youth" service, which in Ukraine is actually a service for young adults in their late teens thru mid 20's. I am happy to have been a part of something--a part of God's work--but with the language barrier it is hard to grasp exactly what I am being a part of. I was able to catch a good bit of the sermon through a translator and respected the boldness and intentionality of the message. There is definitely a need here for what I am doing and the people I get to work with are happier for having me. It is nice to be able to fit into things in that way and serve them and serve God.
God has blessed me with some great friends here already who, if I do make the move to Ukraine, will be an amazing foundation to make my life here possible. I have a lot of things to figure out still. I wish I already felt that I had a clear answer about moving here. But I suspect God is moving the puzzle pieces through my experiences so far and through those to come. He is showing me one moment at a time, allowing me to live in it even while I don't know how it fits in yet. Please continue praying that I will see where this all leads when the time comes.
Thank you! I hope you all are well.
Josh
I am staying right now with the American intern who works for New Life Church. He is actually a pastor rather than an intern at this point. After nearly five years in Ukraine, he has a good grasp of the language and culture and even after only one night spent with him so far, he has given me valuable insight into living in Ukraine. He is a servant at heart. I will learn from him in a lot of areas over the next four days.
Today was my first time playing guitar for one of New Life's services. This time was the "youth" service, which in Ukraine is actually a service for young adults in their late teens thru mid 20's. I am happy to have been a part of something--a part of God's work--but with the language barrier it is hard to grasp exactly what I am being a part of. I was able to catch a good bit of the sermon through a translator and respected the boldness and intentionality of the message. There is definitely a need here for what I am doing and the people I get to work with are happier for having me. It is nice to be able to fit into things in that way and serve them and serve God.
God has blessed me with some great friends here already who, if I do make the move to Ukraine, will be an amazing foundation to make my life here possible. I have a lot of things to figure out still. I wish I already felt that I had a clear answer about moving here. But I suspect God is moving the puzzle pieces through my experiences so far and through those to come. He is showing me one moment at a time, allowing me to live in it even while I don't know how it fits in yet. Please continue praying that I will see where this all leads when the time comes.
Thank you! I hope you all are well.
Josh
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